Ballyhoura Moonlight Marathon Challenge 2022 My Last Race Maybe Time to Retire(yes i know im dramatic)

This race was going to be a the start of my year for races ahead,after 18 months away my last race was reeks skyline july 2020 mainly down to covid and not working which for me been a chef who has work 12 to 14 hour days for over 36 years has not been easy.So i was very nervous going into it and when i say nervous i mean pretty much didnt sleep for a week and was trying to find any excuse not to do the event.I will say its a good race i do most years to try out and test new gear and nutrition for the year head , as it has some big climbs some flat road sections and nice technical stuff.

So the group of runners were brought together outside for the general safety talk, and the 'start' A quick announcement.A minute’s silence for a brutal thing, sometimes it’s a god-awful world, the sort of thing that shakes a country stiff with shock and sadness. Heavy hearts and we silently vow to do more, be better. We race off into the night - a stream of bobbing headtorches slowly drifting up the mountain like two hundred burning candles lighting the way to heaven – all of us running with Aisling.Off we went As we left Scoil Pol it was a relief to be out there but for me to toe the line had alreay taken a toll on me but now there was no more to think about only keep it steady, it’s a long road ahead. When we turned right onto the first track and I could see the head lights up the hill ahead of me, well that was a bit of a shock. It was a long way up. Everyone was hiking so I didn’t break ranks. That would be a good plan for the night ahead, follow the lead, walk when everyone else is walking. We got to the trail ahead surprisingly quickly and I trundled on up to the forest.They had said there would be a mucky patch at 4k and it was .I had Planned to go off at a good pace and see how long i can hold it till i blow up but surprisingly i pretty much held a great pace all night except for the climbing up ,i really am crap at going up steep trails, so i got  passed by lots of people cost me 20 mins overall, but then on the descents and flat sections I fly past them again very annoying.There are various sections of wide forest track into very dark tree dodging ,to one-person wide ankle deep mud-trails. At times running solo, at others linking in with others.Before long we were jogging/hiking up to the check point at 13K. Refilled the water bottle and set off . The fog was coming in heavy and after a few hundred meters I resigned to power hike, visibility was low and I had no idea how far was left to go till i got to the highest point of the race so the top came, and the physical relief from climbing was short lived as the this decent became real. Slow and steady seemed like a logical plan, until the real runners started to flow past me. Did he really say two miles of this? At some point I let go and hopped my way along the grassy edge, slipping and sliding, but thankfully never falling.But i honestly think it was this 2 miles that broke me and took the biggest toll on me since the race finished and even now im writing this so called race report i should not have been out there im just not good enough anymore and i hated every second of it ,i lost so much time and to be really honest i just wanted to be back in my car heading for home didnt want to be out there anymore and was asking myself why at 50 years of age am i doing this crap.So I threw back an energy gel and settled in for a couple of easy road Ks. Into the forest again with 8K remaining, but this time with a bit of wind in my sails, and caffeine in the system i just wanted to be done. Finally there was soon a light ahead, someone I could catch up to.Up the last  hill and over it, past the supporters with their bonfire, the run in to town was a quick.Then Up the steps and into the hall, give name and number so with a average time of 3 hours 26 mins ,we where then given a can of orange, and nice chicken roll,as i sat to eat and recover i met up with a few runners i havent seen for years had quick chat to them and to hear there enthusiasm for the race they just run,and the sad thing i didnt have 1 percent of it i knew then that i enjoyed the training more then the actual events im training for so after quick chat said my goodbyes and pretty much ran out the door drove home and told my wife my first and last race off the year im done.

 It is inevitable that even the most dedicated and enthusiastic runners eventually quit or take a break from the sport they love iv done so so many races and events around ireland and europe but have no interest in doing anymore i have so much respect for all the amazing ultra runners who have done so much more then me and keep going back year after year. Running is not only a passion, but is also an excellent way to stay in shape and maintain good health but for me its been all about keeping those dark clouds taking over .Many runners retire due to work, injury or age, some simply get tired of the seemingly endless training and the stress of taking part in races which for me has been a massive problem only made alot worse during these last 18 months of lock down.

As i come to grip with the fact i am slowing down physically, i wont to remember we are not slowing down cognitively. As such, it’s important to put our brains to good use and continue to train the mind. One simple way to do this is to remain positive, optimistic and hopeful; not just about running, but about life. And the best way to do that is to give ourselves a daily reminder that it is a gift we can still run at all and running is a gift that should be nurtured, savored, and celebrated.